This is Not a Test
This is not a TEST!
From a peaceful slumber you awake - slowly the precious darkness of sleep rolls out of your body into the warmth of the daylight that softly melts your eyes open...
And then all of a sudden, your peace is broken and you pop up.
Completely forgetting where you are and ripped away from your relaxed form:
"Where am I??"
"Oh yeah..." and slowly you recall...the midnight taxi to your hotel from the train or bus or flight and ...the cute clerk at the check in giving a key to the unconscious and drained version of you after an entire day of traveling.
"Where am I?"
"Oh yeah..." it's 6:37am in a random city or in your home town and no, you are not going to sleep-in and read a magazine in your underwear; no, you are not in Tahiti, you have got to get some coffee and a meal inside of you before you are very late to work.
And as the day goes on of course your unconscious self is reevaluating your previous day that came to you in the form of last night's dream that you just can't seem to shake throughout today. And your unconscious self is comparing the moment of this situation at hand to the many other moments where your presence is compromised.
Your unconscious self wants to sabotage your moments and remind you of the speech you botched in college while you are standing in front of your best friends families and all your friends at her wedding.
Your unconscious self delves into the darkest closest of your past relationships, wanting to show you how you are.
But you are not the past! And this is not a Test.
None of it is. The whole get up - the whole shebang;
We are a part of the evolution.
This is REAL. Not a test.
The most random position, situation or cluster of things or events are a tessellation of sensations, sentiments, stories, woven into your existence.
Water droplets cascade like a flock of birds.
A desert sand storm whips a kaleidoscope of dirt into your eyes and ears and face; you are alive.
Your sensations are alone, separated like petals of a flower, fronds of a palm, needles of a pine; all collected at a point. And that is the point. Small attributes of the whole, that without is naked. Yet that point of contact is the connection needed for existence; a hibiscus proudly shines her petals for all to see, and we thank her for showing us her beauty. True sensations and thoughts are opened when we tap into our true nature.
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness." Eckert Tolle
"Being spiritual has nothing to do with what you believe and everything to do with your state of consciousness."
Your feelings construct a pattern that is decipherable by unlocking your true self. The feeling is for feeling, the emotions are for leaving.
Allowing yourself to adjust to a new place is something easily overlooked. In regards to working in a new place your responsibility to your happiness in your new space is vital to your overall performance and well being.
Your true assignment, however, whether you are a transient yoga teacher, or a stay at home dad, or homeless living in a car, is to be you. This is what you are here to be. There is no one else to be! In this life we are forever in the state of learning -- feel the learning, not the yearning. Taste the air you breathe and let it become you. Have the experiences, they are a part of you but they are not you.
When you experience the embarrassment of being late, or saying something silly, take a moment to recognize the fault and move on -- apologize if you need to but do not dwell on your short comings! To recognize them takes the short away! You are there with it, your presence is necessary to feel the difference, feel the lesson and be a person that has gained from your lessons. You are not getting graded by anyone, but look at yourself with your own eyes -- you get to be your own guide and you can relax, and forgive, and learn, and BE with yourself.
So in the moments of confusion and delusion: no, you are no longer on vacation; no, you can no longer pretend that everything is ok when you don't feel ok... Get in touch with your higher self: Be present in your moment because it's real. You need you to be real. We all need you to be real. So be brave and be real.
Waking up in a blunder doesn't mean you're off track -- no no no it's a blessing! It's fun, but I would suggest to not let it bite you in the butt when you wake up somewhere that you're disappointed about instead of beaming with excitement, because when you are aligned with yourself you won't wake up estranged from who you are.
And the key?
Presence. All day, all moments, in all decision making, in quiet time. Body presence, mind presence, friend presence. You are not your past, you are not your future, you are not your thoughts that manipulate your movements; no, you are forever the present moment, and yes, you have every right in the world to be completely present and enjoy it.
So in your new home, your new job, in Thailand, in Chile, with strangers or when you are with your family, when you're daydreaming of home, or a past lover, be real by being present.
Abigail Tirabassi: writer, dreamer, believer, artist, ocean lover, finding joy daily.